While living in Louisville Kentucky I really was not there to just live I was really just existing, and I was so ready to pull the plug on my life. Back in February 2009, I decided to swallow some pills, and end te whispers of not good enough, and you’ll never get over what you’ve been through.
There was a certain kind of defeat that I was really fighting and at the age of 27 years old I wasn’t at a crossroad anymore I was standing toe to toe with death.
I had to really ask God why did He allow me to skip death this time. I was so mad with God as I woke up in the emergency room having charcoal shoved down my throat. I was really stuck on the fact that I had a choice of living or denying my spirit to walk in the will of God’s will for my life, and it seemed like God made other plans for my life like He always has done in previous times in my life.
Here is why my conflict in my personal life didn’t take president to what God said over my life.
God word will not return unto him void
God called, and chose me
God ends life when He appoints the time
God knew this was not my end
God loves me too much to see me rob my own destiny
The toughest question that I ever asked God.
God, have I been looking for my father in men that I have dated? and immediately the tears started to flow from my eye. I went to go get my book where I keep most of my thought on a day to day basis, and I begin to write down a series of question which made me think about things about myself that I truly need to work on, and heal from in order for me to fully get freed from everything that is hindering me from going bolding into everything that Gods has created me to do for Him in purpose. Here are the following questions that I wrote down.
Am I looking for my father in the men that I had relationships with?
Why do I keep going down the same disruptive road?
What challenges me to go beyond what I see?
Is there anything that I need to forgive that’s hindering me
from moving beyond where I am in my relationship with God?
Why am I so afraid to walk with God this time?
Why is this one sin so focused on me in this season of my life?
What spirit is trying to defeat my spiritual growth in God?
How can I effectively exchange this grief, this pain, this anger,
this frustration, this state of living in comparison around, and beyond my faults?
I’d face so much as a young woman, and I felt so off course in my life. I could not understand why I had to experience a lot of hardships in my life some by my own hands and others by the hands that were supposed to protect me and defend me. This is usually what I thought loyalty was supposed to activate in the people that I gave my loyalty to.
As I reflect on where I’ve been, and where I am now I would not trade anything that I’ve been through because it gave me some strong lessons in life to always fall back on, and also it gave me both spiritual and natural muscle to fight back when things it too heavy.
Hello! My name is Jereè Clark and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a Digital Marketing Agency owner while living in my purpose as a Woman unapologetically. As I start the process of mending the pieces of my career back together I want to share my journey and the process of where I am and where I am going in the Marketplace. Welcome to this #UnMended Process of becoming her. It's so uncomfortable at times for me to bare the deepest parts of myself but is so worth it in the end to see the woman I'll become. So Cheers to healing, and celebrating my freedom as a career driven woman, in faith, in life, and in love. May you also Soar & Grow in faith, life, and in love. Xo Jereè
Mending the vow isn’t an easy task. It’s pressure, it’s finding the grit to find the grace in each area of your life to forgive, to heal, and to grow daily.
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