The Offense That Stunts Your Spiritual Growth
Have you ever felt like nothing you did was enough?
I have found myself questioning why do I have to keep continuing being kind to a break wall, and God revealed something to me that brought me down to my knees crying before Him…
Bible verse related to Offense
Proverbs 19:11 – The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and [it is] his glory to pass over a transgression.
I was trying to prove to my mother that I was doing everything that I could to be obedient to god, and silence fell as things in guilt begin to set in because I was shadowboxing with myself in every area that was keeping my mother away from the protective comfort zone that I had to build over the years of turmoil in our nonexistent mother, and daughter relationship.
Daily as my mother tried to interact with me I protected myself by remaining silent while quietly praying to God to fix the issues that we between us. But on the outside of my heart my discomfort showed up in distance whenever she would reach out, and God showed me that I was being doubled minded on what I was asking Him to fix.
I was running from something that was tearing my heart up for some time, and the only relief that I could give myself was peeling back the surface of my issues with my mother in prayer at the feet of my Father. He challenged me to be kind even when unkindness is not on my list towards her.
This was something that I was ready for because I was so over beating myself up in my attempts to protect myself from the one that v=birth me but also from the one that did not raise me. I set my focus on really seeing the ugly onk the inside of myself instead of living in offense towards my mother, and as I made some mini steps in correcting my behavior towards her this is what I have discovered about myself.
- I have trigger points of abandonment
- I have suppressed anger
- I still hold parts of my childhood against my mother
- I still am not ready to let her in completely
- I don’t trust her, and that is not ok
- I am disconnected from myself in a lot of areas
- I do not rely on God enough in this area to heal it
- I can’t see past the past
- I feel dysfunctional when I am near my mother
What do i plan to do to move forward in making a leap unto the unknown of this potential relationship?
- i choose to release the pain of my heart to God in worship
- I choose understand to my mother more
- I choose to not allow he enemy to shuffle my issues around, and divide my house
- I choose to take everything that has been taken in the birthing stages of this relationship back
- I choose to kill my flesh with the word of God, and by fasting this thing out